PotC: The Curse of the MARY SUES!
by Beads
Summary: Sick of reading pointless Mary Sues? Well, so am I! XD
1. ShePirate Mary Sue

PotC: The Curse of the MARY SUES!!!  
  
*Disclaimer: I own Jack. And Will. Yep. They are my willing slaves. MUAHAHAHAHAHA! . Actually, I own nothing. Not PotC. Not Will. Not Jack (sob). Disney owns them all. Or something like that.  
  
*Note: Yes, I know it has been done before. But having to read a few agonizing Mary Sues and a couple of Red Bulls have motivated me to write this story. parody. whatever. Review, flame, criticize, or whatever you'd like, I just had to get this out of my system.  
  
**Another Note: I've noticed that there are a few common types of Mary Sue stories in this lovely section of FF.net. There are the rugged, fearsome she-pirates, who somehow end up in Port Royal and fall desperately in love with our favorite captain/ blacksmith (and vice versa). There are the helpless, defenseless beautiful maidens who manage to float on a piece of wood until bumping into Jack/Will, and they too fall deeply in love with them. And there are the characters that live in the modern times and suddenly appear in Port Royal in the 1700's and (you guessed it) fall madly in love with Jack and/or Will. I will be toying around with each of these types in this story. Why? Because I want to!  
  
***Another Another Note: if this somehow offends you, I am very sorry. Yes, I understand that some people enjoy reading/writing Mary Sues. I am not one of them. This is not directed at anybody, and I am not trying to personally insult anyone. Enough. On to the parody!!  
  
Chapter 1: She-Pirate Mary Sue  
  
The waves lapped gently at the sandy shores of Port Royal. The sunset in the distance caused the sky to change to beautiful shades of orange. The port was peaceful, save for the sounds of a few seagulls squawking overhead or shouting coming from the local pub, the Faithful Bride.  
  
Our heroine of this chapter, she-pirate Mary Sue, stood atop the mast of her massive ship, peering down at the port. Her golden-brown-waist-length hair flew freely behind her, quite like something out of an Herbal Essences commercial. Her emerald green eyes sparkled as she gazed out at the small town, wondering how she was planning to ransack it. She soon devised a perfect plan, for she, as most Mary Sues, was not only utterly beautiful, but incredibly intelligent as well.  
  
She hopped down to the deck of her ship, managing to avoid any scrapes, cuts, bruises, or sprains that any non-Mary Sues would receive if they dared attempt such a risky stunt.  
  
She called her crew up on deck, and ordered them to dock their ship at the port as she set off to explore the town. Pulling a Cirque du Solei-esque acrobatic jump, she leapt down to the docks, and made her way towards the settlement.  
  
Meanwhile.  
  
"'Ey Will, get in 'Ere and 'Elp meh git this theng shut!" yelled everyone's favorite pirate, Captain Jack Sparrow, in a bad attempt at an18th century British accent. For you see, in most PotC Mary Sue stories, the writer tries to incorporate British and Pirate enunciations and usually ends up with something that no one can really figure out.  
  
"What was that, Jack? I couldn't understand you through that mangled mess of apostrophes and capitalizations," replied Will Turner, a sexy blacksmith turned pirate and some Mary Sue authors' excuse for unnecessary sex scenes.  
  
"I asked ye to 'Elp meh with this window 'Ere," explained Jack, trying quite hard to shut a rusted window inside of the Faithful Bride, the town's most popular alcoholic beverage-producing hangout.  
  
"Oh, of course, Jack," answered Will, making his way over to the window to try to close it.  
  
"Let me help you with that," came a voice, the loveliest voice that Jack or Will had ever heard in their lives. They looked up to see our she-pirate Mary Sue, stunningly gorgeous, peering down at them. She effortlessly shut the rusted window, due to the fact that she happened to be the strongest Mary Sue. er, pirate, in the Spanish Main.  
  
Now, it is impossible for any man to escape the somewhat magnetic power that a Mary Sue emits. So, both Will and Jack both immediately fell desperately in love with she-pirate Mary Sue at first sight.  
  
"Wait, wait, stop the story," yelled Will, glancing upward. "Aren't I in love with Elizabeth?"  
  
Ah, yet another point I failed to touch upon. For some odd reason, in most Mary Sue stories, Elizabeth is either dead or never existed at all.  
  
"Ah, yes, thank you," responded Will, who went back to staring at our she- pirate Mary Sue.  
  
"Why, ye are the mos' beautiful woman I 'Ave ever seen!" exclaimed Jack. But just then, a burly looking man sauntered up behind him. Ah, yes, the time had come for she-pirate Mary Sue to show off her amazing strength. "Hey you, Jack Sparrow," spat the man, peering down at Jack. "I believe you owe me some money."  
  
"Money? What money? Believe me, if I owed ye any money, I would 'Ave paid it back to ye by now," replied Jack, flashing his mouthful of golden teeth up at the stranger. "And it's CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow." (Mary Sue stories never leave this line out.)  
  
"You owe me money! Pay up," snarled the man, brandishing a pistol. "Now."  
  
"Ah, well, ye see," murmured Jack, nervously eyeing the pistol. "I don't seem to 'Ave the certain amount of money ye are demanding."  
  
"Fine," whispered the man, aiming the pistol straight at Jacks face. His finger was inches away from the trigger when she-pirate Mary Sue whipped out a pistol of her own and fired with aim and quickness to rival John Wayne in one of his westerns. The man staggered, confused, and then hit the floor, dead as a doornail.  
  
Jack and Will stared up at she-pirate Mary Sue. Her flawless face looked down and smiled, revealing a set of blindingly white teeth.  
  
Jack and Will were drawn to she-pirate Mary Sue's power. They both silently vowed that she would be theirs. Oh yes. She would be theirs.  
  
*-*-*-*-*-  
  
That's all for this chapter. Coming up next.  
  
-Helpless-Maiden Mary Sue! -A fight to the death! (Well, sort of.)  
  
Thanks for reading! -Beads 


	2. ShePirate Mary Sue: Part II

PotC: The Curse of the MARY SUES!!!  
  
*Disclaimer: I still do not own PotC, Will, or Jack. Dammit.  
  
*Note: A BIG thank you to Artemis15, Onyx and S, Stefynae, Yao Kafei, Dre Ship-Ship, and Daroga's Rainy Daae. Your wonderful reviews are what keep me going. And thank you to Daroga's Rainy Daae for the many fabulous Mary Sue clichés that you have suggested; a few have made their way into mah story. Please continue to review, flame, criticize, anything you'd like. On to Chapter 2!!  
  
**Another Note: I lied. Helpless-Maiden Mary Sue will not make her fabulous debut until next chapter. I know that you are all so very disappointed.  
  
Chapter 2: She-Pirate Mary Sue: Part II  
  
She-Pirate Mary Sue placed her smoking pistol back into its holster and helped the two astonished men to their feet. Perhaps they were staring at her beauty, charm, grace, poise, blah blah blah. Or, perhaps they were marveling at the fact that even though she had just shot a man, she hadn't even broken into a sweat.  
  
Jack suddenly spoke up.  
  
"Come, luv, let meh show you 'round this place, savvy?" he asked, taking her hand and kissing it.  
  
She-Pirate Mary Sue blushed. "Why, of course Jack. Where do you plan on taking us?"  
  
"Oh, somewhere special, that on'y I know of, savvy? Where we can gaze out at the stars, thinking about our wonderful future together even though we only just met a few minutes ago," he replied, leading her out the door.  
  
Somehow, they are suddenly at the docks by She-Pirate Mary Sue's ship. Where Will has gone, we can only wonder.  
  
"Would you like some rum, luv?" asked Jack, pulling out a bottle and handing it to her.  
  
"Oh yes, thank you Jack, but I don't think I'll be able to drink it all," She-Pirate Mary Sue replied, taking the rum and downing the whole bottle in one gulp.  
  
All of a sudden, they are both drunk, Jack is shirtless, and they have a make out session, just like any other PotC Mary Sue story on ff.net.  
  
The night goes on, they do naughty things, and then it is morning.  
  
"Oh Jack," Mary Sue stated, tears welling up in her big, emerald eyes. "I have abandoned my plans to ransack this town because I love you so much!"  
  
*cue weepy violin music*  
  
"Aye, luv, I love you too, savvy?" Jack replied. (Mary Sue authors seem to love this word. What they don't seem to realize, however, is how ANNOYING it gets after the first 6 times that they use it.)  
  
"It's just so horrible that I suddenly have to leave Port Royal and return to the sea to pillage and plunder and not give a hoot," She-Pirate Mary Sue stated, weeping onto Jack's shoulder.  
  
She looked up into his eyes, and then they kissed, a kiss so passionate, so loving, so enduring.  
  
*two hours later*  
  
.so devoted, so sentimental, so fervent that the heavens themselves opened up and cried.(For all of you non-Mary Sue readers out there, that means it started to rain.)  
  
They broke the kiss, and Jack placed his hands on the side of She-Pirate Mary Sue's perfect, Clearasil-commercial face.  
  
"Goodbye."  
  
*CUE EXTREMELY WEEPY VIOLIN MUSIC*  
  
She-Pirate Mary Sue broke away from Jack's grip, sobbing, and ran to her ship, Spider-man jumping back up onto its deck. She stood on deck, waving sadly down to him. The ship set sail, where it promptly crashed into a rock and sank.  
  
"Ah, well, that's that then," Jack stated, swaggering back to the Faithful Bride for some rum.  
  
**THE END**  
  
*Author's Note: Omg that was like so sad I didn't want to kil off she- pirate but I had to for the angst and Stuf and im just lyke so sad and stuff and now jack is hartbrokin and everything o well pweeze review I love them so much and Stuf. The end.  
  
**REAL Author's Note: Sorry that that chapter was so short. I will try to have chapter three up by Saturday. This is NOT the end of the whole story, next up is the Many Adventures of Helpless-Maiden Mary Sue. Thanks, -Beads 


	3. HelplessMaiden Mary Sue

Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the MARY SUES!  
  
Disclaimer: I own NOTHING! But I would like to own one of those big cardboard cutouts of Jack . . . anybody got one?  
  
Note: Thank you so very much to all of the reviewers! I love coming home and reading each of your wonderful notes. they are all so much fun! And I'm terribly sorry that this took so long to upload.there's no Internet at my other house . . . no, really.  
  
Another Note: I've just finished reading MrsPitt's two PotC stories. They are fantastic, and I highly recommend them. I believe they are called 'Savvy' and 'I'd Love You to Want Me'. If you haven't read them, go read them now! Or, after you're done reading this. You choose.  
  
Chapter 3: The Many Adventures of Helpless-Maiden Mary Sue  
  
CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow and Will Turner were strolling down the beach one pleasant afternoon, chatting about the latest Pirate-y things going on in the world. This chatting made them both look like enormous pansies, but that's no problem. You'll see what I mean.  
  
"And so," stated Jack, waving his arms in the air, " this new law 'llows for all of us Pirates to roam freely throughou' the world, not needin' to worry 'bout capture or execution. Savvy?"  
  
Will looked surprised. "But why would anyone think up such a rule? Pirates are some of the most wanted men in the world. Why would anybody let them all walk freely?"  
  
Jack smiled toothily. (Is that even a word?)  
  
" Don' ask me, I read 'bout it in an Orig'nal Character story on Fanfiction.net."  
  
"I hate those," replied Will, shuddering. Oh, the irony.  
  
Jack grinned, and opened his mouth to speak when THWACK! He was hit by an enormous chunk of wood.  
  
And on this enormous chunk of wood was a maiden. But it was not just ANY maiden, no sir. It was a Mary Sue!  
  
*cue screaming and 'Psycho' music*  
  
She was a young woman, in her late teens or early twenties. And even though she appeared to have been shipwrecked, she was not in the least bit wet or dirty. Her perfect long golden-blonde hair lay out perfectly behind her, dry and shimmering perfectly like the sun. She wore a beautiful red dress that just barely covered her knees, and her long legs were perfectly tanned. She was . . .perfect. She was also unconscious.  
  
Will helped Jack to his feet, and they both knelt down to examine the Mary Sue. Will tentatively poked her in the arm, and she suddenly sat straight up.  
  
"Father!" she yelled frantically, her fake contact-colored-cerulean-blue eyes wide and looking around, finally resting on the two men in front of her. "Have either of you two gentlemen seen my father?" she asked, a note of panic in her harmonious voice. "I went searching for him, because my mother tragically died when I was young but before she died she told me my father was a pirate but I didn't believe her so I went looking for him and then our ship was attacked by pirates and I don't remember what happened after that." She explained, in one abnormally long sentence.  
  
Will cocked an eyebrow. "That sounds suspiciously like what happened to me a couple of years ago," he said, studying the Mary Sue. "What's your name?"  
  
The girl looked up at him. "My name is Mary S- . . . I mean, Pearlescent Sirenadies Sparrow-Turner," she replied.  
  
Will gasped. "Gasp! Why, you are Pearlescent Sirenadies Sparrow-Turner! My long lost twin sister!"  
  
Jack looked at Will, then back at Pearlescent. "Then why does she have my name?"  
  
"Who knows?" answered Will. "It's an original character-fic thing."  
  
"Oh, Will," exclaimed Pearlescent. "It's so very wonderful to see you again!" She ran forward and leapt into his arms, knocking him to the ground.  
  
Jack rolled his eyes. "That's it. I need some rum." He swaggered off, muttering something about 'mushy stuff' and 'soap operas'. ***  
  
That's pretty short, huh? I'm terribly sorry, but I'm in a hurry to get packed for my short summer vacation trip this week. Plus I'm having the biggest bout of writer's block EVER! So I just can't concentrate right now.  
  
I'll try to have more up by Friday. Please continue to review, they are so much fun to read and great confidence boosters!  
  
And now, in response to your reviews:  
  
Professor Weasley: Thank you so much! I know, there are WAY to many of them, especially in the PotC section. DEATH TO ALL MARY SUES!!! Erm, sorry about that ^_^'  
  
Onyx and S: (smiles ^_^)  
  
Spam-The-Great: Thanks! It IS pretty sad when people write like that. Pretty annoying, too.  
  
SibilantSybil: LOL! Thanks!  
  
Stefynae: Thank you! And I'll update ASAP. By the way, good luck in college!  
  
Daroga's Rainy Daae: Hehe. thanks! And I've seen way too many stories with Jack tremendously out of character. Makes you feel sick, doesn't it? And where's the script? I can't seem to find it anywhere!  
  
Again, a BIG thank you to all reviewers! *Hands out PotC Soundtracks *. Your comments are vastly appreciated.  
  
Luv, -Beads 


	4. Pearlescent!

PotC: The Curse of the MARY SUES!!!  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing PotC related. But I do own the SOUNDTRACK!!! *holds up disc* BOW TO THE SOUNDTRACK-Y GOODNESS!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!! *cough choke hack*  
  
Note: Woo-hoo! 32 Reviews! *does the happy dance*. Thank you SO very much to all of my reviewers! Love ya! *muah!*  
  
Another Note: For my next chapter, I need your help. Please tell me whether you'd like it to be about . . .  
  
21st-century-dropped-in-the-1700's Mary Sue  
  
Canon!Sue Elizabeth or Ana Maria (shudder) *Thanks Jehan's Muse!*  
  
Bitchy-hates-all-men-but-somehow-falls-in-love-with-Jack-and/or-Will Sue  
  
Fated-Sue ("upon reaching maturity, proceeds to re-enact the adventures of her "parent" [i.e. Jack or Will], often gathering other Sues to her side in the process.")  
  
The Last Note (I swear): If you'd like to read up on the common types of Sues out there, I recommend h t t p : / / m h a r I . f a t e b a c k . c o m / s u e s . h t m l (without the spaces, of course). It is a very good website that gives you in-depth information and the classifications of each type of Sue out there. Very interesting, indeed.  
  
Chapter 4: The Many Adventures of Helpless-Maiden Mary Sue: Part II  
  
A very drunk (and very out of character) Will Turner swayed around the pub, clutching a massive mug full of some absurdly strong alcoholic drink in his right hand. In his other, he held on to his long lost twin sister, Pearlescent Sirenadies Sparrow -Turner. No one knew why she also had Jack's last name. But heck, most Mary Sue stories make no sense anyway.  
  
"And so, " slurred Will, extremely drunk, "Jack and I set off after the Black Pearl, but I don't remember why. I think it was to rescue some girl, but she's not in this story, so we won't talk about her."  
  
Pearlescent smiled, flashing her pearly-whites. She nodded.  
  
"That's fascinating, Will. Now, where did your friend Jack run off to?" she asked, glancing out the window. For in Mary-Sue stories, it is best to get to the smut as soon as possible.  
  
"Jack?" Will responded, looking confused. "I dunno, why do you ask?"  
  
"Oh, no reason," replied Pearlescent. She decided to change the subject. "So, Will, what have you been up to these past eight years?" "Not much, " answered Will. "I WAS a blacksmith, but now I'm a . . .a. . .PIRATE!!!!" he shouted, waving his arms in the air. "YO-HO, YO-HO, A PIRATE'S LIFE FOR M-" he began, but was abruptly cut off when a glass bottle was smashed over his head. He teetered for a moment, and then hit the floor, utterly unconscious.  
  
Pearlescent dropped what remained of the broken bottle to the floor. With that annoying Will out of the way, she could move on to *other* things.  
  
My plan is falling into place, she thought, as her eyes changed to a demonic-cherry shade of red. It was getting dark outside; best be off to find Jack. . .  
  
***Meanwhile. . . ***  
  
Jack Sparrow paced back and forth across the deck of his ship. What was going on? Will had a twin sister? Why the bloody hell did she have his last name? And her name was PEARLESCENT?!? What WAS going on?  
  
Just then, a horrible thought struck him. He had heard tales. . . tales of an evil so incredibly EVIL that it struck without warning. So EVIL that it plagued the world, polluting the minds of its inhabitants. This dreaded EVIL was known as. . .as. . . a Mary Sue!  
  
Bloody hell! Mary Sues! Jack had heard of those things when he was a young boy. He had never believed the tales, until they became the REAL cause of the death of his old friend Bootstrap Bill. The whole cannon-to-the- bootstraps thing was just the cover up story. No, the sad truth of it was that a few years before, poor old Bill had been trampled to death by a raging hoard of Sues and fangirls. Jack could still hear their hellish cries. . .  
  
"Oh, like, look, it's BOOTSTRAP BILL!!! ORLI'S DAD!! AIEEEE!!!!"  
  
Jack shuddered, trying to shake that awful memory from his mind. He had other things to do. He had to find Will, and tell him what was going on. He turned to the ladder that would lower him down to his rowboat, but stopped dead when he saw what was slowly making its way up the ladder. . .  
  
"Pearlescent!" Jack cried, slowly backing away, looking for a weapon to use against this otherworldly monstrosity.  
  
"Hello, Jack," said Pearlescent in a voice that Jack assumed was supposed to be seductive.  
  
"Oh, uh, hullo, er, d'you know where Will is?" he asked, in a feeble attempt at stalling the creature slowly making her way over to him.  
  
"Will? Oh, let's not worry about him right now. . ." Pearlescent said, shaking her head. "We have more important things to do . . . " she said, giggling and playing with a strand of her golden hair.  
  
Jack looked puzzled. "What?. . . Oh. . . YAAAHHH!!!" He screamed, quickening his backward-walking pace so that now it was more of a backward- run.  
  
"Oh, come on Jack, you know you can't resist me! No one can! I'm a Mary S-. . . I mean, I'm Pearlescent Sirenadies Sparrow-Turner!" She cried, continuing to advance slowly towards Jack.  
  
"No, no, NO! I know what you are!" Bellowed Jack. "You're a M-. . . Merry . . . Mary. . . Mary Stew. . . Marry Soon. . .Merry Spoon. . ." he said, trying to remember exactly WHAT it was that she . . . er, was.  
  
"Mary Sue?" Pearlescent suggested, and then clamped a hand over her Maybelline-lipstick-ad mouth.  
  
"Yes, that's it, Mary Sue! You're a Mary Sue!" cried Jack, looking quite pleased with himself.  
  
"What? No, I'm. . .I'm. . ." started Pearlescent-the-Mary-Sue, but stopped abruptly when a bolt of lightning zapped the deck right next to her.  
  
"MY SHIP!!" Jack cried, flinging himself down onto the deck of the Pearl. "Look, you can do whatever you want to me, but please don't hurt me ship!"  
  
"That. . .that wasn't me. . . I don't think it was me. . ." stuttered Pearlescent.  
  
(I know what all you readers must be thinking right about now: the traditional Mary Sue discovery-of-the-unknown-powers ceremony. But, for the protection of all things sacred, I decided to leave out that little ditty. This just shows how much I CARE about the mental health of my readers! *sniffle*)  
  
But before she could say anymore, a powerful voice boomed, "SILENCE!!"  
  
Jack looked over to the spot where the bolt of lightning had hit the deck. In the place of a very charred chunk of wood, there stood a woman. The MOST beautiful woman that Jack EVER seen. (This time, she really was.) She was a moderately tall woman with lavender hair that cascaded down her shoulders like a waterfall. She was extremely skinny, and wore a light blue dress that almost covered her ankles. Her enormous white wings stretched out behind her, and her light pink eyes sparkled like diamonds. In her hand, she held a long silver staff, and on the very tip was a massive ruby, carved into a circular symbol and on which the letters 'MS' were written.  
  
When Jack finally had the courage to speak, he asked rather abruptly, "Who are YOU?"  
  
"Silence, mere mortal! I am Jade Kat Raven Celeste Ruby Mystique Marie Rose Stella Moonshadow, the Queen of all Mary Sues!" She thundered, and then turned toward Pearlescent.  
  
"You!" she roared. "You are Pearlescent Sirenadies Sparrow-Turner, correct?"  
  
"Y-yes," replied Pearlescent, looking absolutely terrified.  
  
"You have defiled the laws set down by myself, and I, in all my glory, banish you to the depths of the realm of Author-self-insertions for ETERNITY!!!" she yelled.  
  
"NO! Please, oh mighty Queen! I didn't mean to, I was just trying to-" Pearlescent stammered, bowing to the Queen.  
  
"You know the law, " answered Queen Jade Kat Raven Celeste Ruby Mystique Marie Rose Stella Moonshadow. "A proper Mary Sue is NEVER to admit to a mortal that she is, in fact, a Mary Sue! She must deny this at least 17 times in the Authors Notes, with phrases such as "I swear to you that this is not a Mary Sue" or , even better, "dis storie is no Mary Sue, whateva dat is. this is my firsst storie, so pleeze no flamez and be nice and R&R !!!1!!!11!!!!1!".  
  
"Queen, no, please, don't do this to me-" Pearlescent whimpered.  
  
"SILENCE!!" Bellowed the Queen, brandishing her staff and aiming it at the Mary Sue before her. "Be gone!"  
  
There was a flash of white light, and Pearlescent screamed. Jack, who had been watching this whole ordeal rather intently, yelped and shielded his eyes against the blast. When he was able to look up, Pearlescent was gone.  
  
The mighty Queen looked down at him. "My work here is done. I must return to my own realm." She explained. She turned to leave, but then glanced back. "Say, you're one good looking fellow. Why don't you come live with me in the Land of Eternal Sparkly-ness? You can be my King!"  
  
Jack sprung up from his current position on the deck, and, with a yelp, threw himself into the ocean.  
  
Queen Jade Kat Raven Celeste Ruby Mystique Marie Rose Stella Moonshadow sighed. And with another flash of light, she was gone.  
  
Ta-da! There's chapter 4, and I must say that it's the longest chapter I've written yet! Go me! Woot!  
  
And now, in response to your reviews!! :D  
  
krenya-alenak - Thanks! I will!  
  
Al Starkey - Hehe. . .Thanks so much!  
  
Roz Morgan - Great! You think so? Aw, shucks. . . *blush*  
  
Daroga's Rainy Daae - LOL, I like that part as well (. And thank you for the script location! I was looking for it for SO friggin' long. . .  
  
Maien - Yes, thanks so much for the email, I fixed that 'anonymous' thing right after you emailed me :D. Your review certainly brightened my week, thank you so very much!!! And I'm on your Fave Authors list?!?! Weee!!! But I'm not so sure about the sanity thing. . . *laughs like an idiot* Bwahahahaha!! *choke*  
  
Shadow Phenix - Yeah, I just had to say something about that. It was annoying me GREATLY. And tell the other chick in the lab I said hi! LOL!  
  
Oni3 - THANK YOU SO MUCH!! *grins* That is a very good suggestion, maybe I shall include that Sue as well! And tell your cuz I said hello as well! XD  
  
Tabitha Sly - Hehe, brilliant? Thank you! And I am sad to say that I am not. Thanks again :) !  
  
panther7x - I'm glad you think so! XD And I hate them as well! Death to the Sues!  
  
DuncanAndTheSpork - Thanks! I hate them as well. With a passion. And I have no idea why anybody doesn't realize that. There are only a few good OC stories out there that DON'T involve some sort of romance between them and a canon character. Yuck. And you'll have to teach me that dance! *attempts dance and falls on arse*. Oh well. Thanks for the pizza! *munches on pizza* Whawuacawupffctgy? Jksprowucurs! [translation: What would I call a perfect guy? Jack Sparrow, o' course!!] *cheesy grin*  
  
Stefynae - Thanks, I tried to make this chapter a lot longer :)  
  
Jehan's Muse - I've never read any Norringtion sues, but I'm sure they're just as revolting as the rest. And Canon!Sues are a deadly breed of their own. So I guess I'll eventually include them to torment Jack and Will! Jack: Hey! Will: Yeah, what's that all about? Do you hate us? *sniffle* Beads: Of course not! Will: *cries* Beads: Great.  
  
DeadRoses - Thank you thank you thank you!!! They ALL must DIE!!! *insane look* And you are right, I have noticed some of the signs. (i.e. the whole "my place is between you and Jack" speech). Yup X).  
  
Professor Weasley - Huzzah! I am incredibly hyper as well! (RED BULL!! WOOT!) Good luck with your story, I look forward to reading it! And I plan on eventually having a future-to-the-past or whatever you'd like to call it Sue.  
  
Very, very sorry if I missed anyone. Please continue to review, I love them all so very much! *hugs reviews*. And I'm such a good mood today, I've decided to let you all have Jack and Will. For a day.  
  
Jack: Hey! When did we agree to this?  
  
Beads: You didn't.  
  
Will: So we don't have to do it!  
  
Beads: Oh, yes you do! *holds up a pen and paper* Or else I shall write my own SELF INSERTION FIC involving the BOTH OF YOU!!  
  
Both: ACK!!  
  
Beads: I thought so.  
  
That's all for now, adios!!!  
  
-Beads 


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